Jo’s Blog

Right, we have the client CFO and MD, KPMG senior partner, senior manager and my little 21 year old (taking notes) in the room. All men by the way. Some very, very old. And Jo presenting (with very few hours of sleep for the past few nights and very little preparation).

As I bent down (well squatted to be more precise) to pick the slide controller that I dropped, I stepped on my skirt AND…. AND stood up. SANS SKIRT. Skirt was on the floor and ass was in full view of the room. Skirt is a traitor.

This is on the DAY when I wore hold-ups instead of sensible stockings, lacy underwear instead of the cotton non see-through variety. I never ever wear stuff like that to work. Compliments of 2 weekends away and not catching up on my laundry. My fault really.

I am glad I’m leaving the company in 35 days. It was about the most embarrassing thing I had to go through, especially when I had to pretend that NOTHING happened and continued the presentation. I pulled up my skirt immediately of course.

This has been kindly circulated around my department by 21 year old who was lucky(or unlucky?) enough to be a spectator, who is insisting that it’s me returning his favour of strawberry ice-cream. Have been asked to give an encore performance by some very pervy colleagues. The bastards.

Flowers - Nil

Chocolates - Nil

Cards - 1 (Chinese New Year card from my dad)

E-cards - 1

Kisses - Nil

Hugs - Nil

Sex - Nil

Nice isn’t it? Gives you this nice warm fuzzy feeling. Especially when you see all these guys walking around with stupid grins plastered on their faces and flowers/chocolates in their hands. Poor bastards. So what if they are in love. So what if they are gonna get laid. Humbug.

Lack of sleep and PMS on the one day in the year celebrating love is not good. And neither is misunderstandings 6700 miles apart. At least he’s promised to bring over strawberry ice cream and M&Ms at midnight. To celebrate the end of love day. Humbug.

1) Being allowed to give your boss the finger.

2) Fit male employees should work without shirts (and pants) when the weather permits (i.e. all year round)

3) Pervy male employees should be castrated.

4) Canteen MUST stock M&Ms of the nutty kind (so you don’t have to stop by the petrol station every morning before work). In fact canteen must stock all kinds of confectionery. Marshmallows and candyfloss. Mmmmm…..

5) 5 additional off days each month. Equal rights my ass. If you don’t suffer period cramps (i.e. are male) you can sod of and work.

21 year old : So how are you feeling? Still sick?

Jo : The cold has turned into a cough.

21 year old : Too much cock… I mean Cork, huh?

Jo : !

They do catch on so quickly.

1) Get your ass pinched by some random guy. (skirt wasn’t even THAT short)

2) Have Brandon Routh lookalike nick a ciggie off you AND disappear(him that is).WTF???

3) Meet a hobbit. Have a mini conversation with a hobbit.

4) Learn nasty little secrets.

5) Enjoy the west cork accent.

And it’s a myth that white men are well endowed. NOT ALL OF THEM ARE.

to make snow angels…..It’s snowing!!

At least someone was nice enough to make snow angels with me during lunch. Note to self - Snow is made from water, not such a good idea when you are a) having a cold; b) wearing expensive leather heels; c) wearing a skirt; d) wearing only 7 dernier tights.

And DON’T EAT TWIGLETS. They are nasty little motherfuckers. If you love your tastebuds, keep away.