Jo’s Blog

I am sitting here typing away….trying to finish this damn report so that I can go home and get some dinner…yes its nearly 12am…I should be at home in my pjs….getting ready to go to bed….instead I am here….working….at least I’m not alone….there’s 2 other, just as hungry, associates….who will, at any given chance, take over the deals I am trying to complete before my holiday….

And then I wonder….what the hell am I doing here? Did I grow up, with wild dreams of working in Africa and South America, conserving and protecting animals, hero worshipping David Attenborough and Dian Fossey, to be stuck in this desk job? To be working average 14 hour days, most of the time without seeing the sun? Where your worth is measured by the number of letters after your name and the number of deals you complete. I mean, what the fuck am I contributing sitting here? Helping one company take over another. Right. More like helping hundreds of people being made redundant.

And what’s the point when, there are less than 30 Amur Leopards in the wild……..the polar ice is melting at a dramatic rate…..somewhere a child is starving to death…..and at the end of the day, we die. No doubt about that.

I can go on and on about this….And I do keep promising myself that one day, maybe 2 years from now, when I have saved enough money, I will quit this rat race and make a difference, do some good, even if it is the tiny. But will I do that in 2 years time? Or will greed, the craze for power cloud my passion, my childhood dream, and push it further and further away into my subconscious….I know its today that I have to take the plunge….But the sensible side of me tells me that I have bills to pay, responsibilities to keep. Maybe this is the change that I am seeking. Maybe this is what that is making me feel so restless. When you are 12, the divide between dream and reality is so small, and making your dreams come true is always a possibility, a real possibility. But when you are 26, so steadfast in your ways, with so many responsibilities, its not so simple. Dreams are what you have at night when you sleep. Reality is what you face each day.

But even if it kills me, this is the one thing that I promise myself that I will do it. Because one less runt working at a desk, there are hundreds more waiting to fillthe gap. But one more person trying to make a difference, well maybe a difference can be made. Even if its tiny.

This entry was posted on Wednesday, November 29th, 2006 at 3:44 pm and is filed under Uncategorized. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can skip to the end and leave a response. Pinging is currently not allowed.