Jo’s Blog

Don’t know what’s come over me.

First of all, I had a dream a few nights ago that I married a guy, who I haven’t seen in ages. And to top it off, I don’t even really know this guy.

And then last night, I had a dream that I was going to marry Adam, whom I should add is the total opposite of me. World traveller, who can sleep in the rough and doesn’t wash frequently as opposed to a high maintenance(in his own words), materialistic, cleanliness freak.

I just don’t understand. Just don’t.

I’m sweating in the shower. Yes sweating while taking an ice cold shower.

your dad prefers your sister when

He buys her a new Olympus camera and you get shafted with the old camera.

I thought I died and gone to heaven when there were 3, yes THREE Paul Newman movies on yesterday night (My      favourite:Cool Hand Luke). So lights off, phone disconnected, popcorn and I was on my way to one sweet trip.

When Al came down to investage (All the ‘Ohhhhhhhhmannn’ and high pitched ‘AAHHhhhssss’ must have made him rather curious) during Hud he thought I was mad. Yes mad as Jo was sitting in the dark watching a black and white western. Hell I don’t care. Its got Paul Newman wanting to scratch his housekeeper’s itch.

They don’t make actors like they used to anymore.

Broody, sullen, sultry.

Damn hot weather….

I thought sweating profusely everytime I breath will make me loose weight….

But I’ve had 2 chocolate milkshakes(McDonald’s and Tootsies - 450 cals each), 2 tubs of Ben & Jerry’s, numerous ice lollies, 3 Stellas (I don’t normally drink but its the only thing that’s actually chilled), 3 glasses of ice cool Pimms (aaahhhh) and a very random frozen chocolate torte.

This is all in the last 3 days. By the end of August I probably won’t be able to see my feet anymore. I’ll just be a mass of fat and sweat.

And not forgetting all the food I scoffed down at Em’s bbq yesteday.

At least Adam’s still alive after being MIA for 2 months. Got a message from him that he’s ‘on a houseboat on the Nile in Cairo’. What next eh?

No. Not that type of swinging Hard to exchange partners when you don’t have one.

I was comparing with a SINGLE friend of mine how different our lives are.

Well technically she’s not single. She’s in a LDR. Her boyfriend is working in China. She visited him last month and he doesn’t seem to show any signs of wanting to come back to the UK. Seems that he’s quite taken with the Chinese way of life. ahem. Anyways….

Monday - She went for a kickboxing class after work. She met a guy who asked for her number. I stayed home and watched TV with him. There was a documentary about feral children. Number of guys that asked for my number - Nil.

Tuesday - She had dinner with some single friends and went for drinks in a trendy bar. I stayed in and watched Lost with him.

Wednesday - I went for a walk with Dinton Pastures with him. She went to watch Westlife in concert.

Thursday - I actually did some socialising. Went out with some friends to watch Superman. She came along.

Friday - Staying at home to watch Big Brother. Was asked to go out for drinks but my excuse - the damn heat. She’s out in London on a speed dating thingy.

This weekend she’s going to Cardiff to party with some uni friends. I am going fishing with him.

Oh and the cute guy called and they are meeting up for dinner next week. How exciting.

Why summer rocks

1) You don’t have to brace yourself for the cold everytime you leave a heated building.

2) You save tons on heating bills.

3) You can finally wear flip flops, mini skirts and skimpy tops.

4) Men in shorts. Yum. Why did they lengthen the shorts for footballers? It used to be so short in the 60s.

5) 15 hours of sunshine. Yes it only gets dark at 10pm.

6) The trees actually have leaves on them. And it makes such a nice rustling sound when the wind blows.

Why summer sucks

1) Heatwaves. Having to brace yourself for the heat when you leave an air-conditioned building.

2) British buildings are made to trap heat. Enough said.

3) You still haven’t lost all the weight gained during winter. Hence no skimpy tops/mini skirts. Hence you look like a dork sweating in a long-sleeved top to hide flabby arms.

4) Shirtless men. Face it. If you have a huge beer belly. Cover up. Its just to ugly.

5) Sunburnt(really really red) shirtless men. It hurts to look at them. But you just can’t help looking.

6) Do we really need 15 hours of sunshine? Do we really want the sun to shine in its full glory at 5am?

7) All the fecking insects that decide to fly into your house and DIE. Yesterday I cleared 15 dragonfly corpes from my conservaroty. Boy were they crunchy.

7 years ago I watched ‘The Bachelor’.

I was on a date with him, plus a few friends. In a cinema.

All that was going through my mind was how blue Chris O’Donnell’s eyes were.

And I was a teenager.

7 years later…

I am watching it with him, plus a few friends. In our house.

I still think Chris O’Donnell’s eyes are so blue.

But its just a matter of time until I hit thirty.

And the thought of marriage?

Scares the shit out of me.

So no I don’t want to shit in the pot.

And no one is doing any shitting anywhere near me.